Girly Sins: Part 1 of 4

This week, I’m going to enumerate a few of what I consider easy sin traps for women—believers and unbelievers alike.  Let’s jump in with that juiciest of temptations:

Gossip 

Why is gossip woman’s sin?  What tempts us into it?  Actually, let’s tackle the second question first.  A lot of times it’s because having inside knowledge gives us a sense of importance.  If this is our motivation, gossip is idolatry.  It seeks to fulfill us where only God can, to give us an impression of worth when our true worth lies in our identity in Christ.  Sometimes I think it can begin with an innocent desire to share excitement (or horror!).  But what begins benignly can become menacing.  In A Praying Life, Paul E. Miller claims that gossip’s primary offering is “deadly intimacy.”  Think about that.  Gossip appeals to women because we DO seek intimacy in friendships.  We rely on a greater network of intimate relationships than do men.  Gossip simulates intimacy with the person we spill to, but beware: it can destroy intimacy permanently with the people we dish about!

But why pin it on us gals?  I recall Cookie seething at an accusation that he had spread a rumor about another man’s marriage.  He was mad because he was innocent, but even more so that anyone would think he CARED enough to whisper around the office.  That’s the thing: guys often just don’t care about the dramas we find titillating.  Still, why cast blame? Does it matter? 

I think it does, because if we know our worst tendencies, we can seek earnestly to eradicate them.  And if we know that temptations are not doled out equally, we can’t excuse ourselves that, well, everyone does it.  As Christians, we know we shouldn’t gossip.  We may think we’ve got a handle on it.  But it’s easy to spread a story around the church pew under the guise of confession, a prayer request, or a loving concern.  Off the top of my head, here are a few test questions to distinguish a healthy share from gossip before you raise your hand in prayer group. 

Could you share this privately with one trusted prayer partner instead of every Christian you know?  If so, you can keep the confidence and still multiply prayer power. 

How many people would you want to know, were the prayer request about you?  Do you even have permission to share? 

Are you just really itching to spill it?  If so, your motivation might stem more from the thrill of having a great story to tell than from a sincere concern.  If you are still unsure, run it by a mentor before you risk falling into this trap.

My friend began a story recently, “I have to tell you what one of the school moms said.”  Then she stopped.  And started.  And stopped again.  And finally said, “You know what, I probably shouldn’t tell this story.”  It wasn’t even an incriminating story, but it had occurred to her that it would probably be gossip.  And I was happy not to hear it, not because I don’t enjoy a drama or a laugh at someone’s faux pas, but because she had just done the impossible and tamed the incorrigible tongue!

Under Which Banner

When I responded to a Daniel Pipes posting several weeks ago regarding the compatibility of Islam with democracy, I made a mental note to return to a larger question that arose for me.  I am going to comment on that question now, but with regards to Christianity instead. 

   

Religions have a way of morphing over years and centuries.  Doctrines fade from popularity; practices are invented or dropped along the way.  Sometimes these changes are made intentionally, for expediency (think Henry VIII) or to lend divine weight to human causes and power-grabs (the selling of indulgences in the 1500s; the recruitment of suicide bombers to ostensibly religious groups with underlying political or financial motivations?).  In Pipes’ article, he suggested that Islam might eventually change to fit more comfortably into contemporary political frameworks.  At what point does the branch grow so far from its roots that it becomes a different thing entirely?

I debated this a lot (with myself) when I briefly considered writing a book on comparative religions.  I was studying Mormonism as a distinct religion, but was continually disturbed by its efforts to identify itself as Christian.  That’s a story for another day, but here’s what I come back to: if most religions have a source, a sacred text or some comparable foundation, then any strain that negates or deviates significantly from that source is a new religion.  Christianity is based on the gospel.  I guess it seems unambiguous to me: not that everyone should be won over by the gospel, but that its essence is clearly laid out for acceptance or rejection.  Jesus is pretty forthright about who He is, why he is come, and what is at stake.   

Sometimes, though, we deviate with the best of intentions.  Something rings false to us, and we seek to right it.  If we do this by referring to the scriptures to dig out what we are meant to understand, we will usually keep the church centered.  When instead we are guided by our feelings, when we seek to arrive at a place that is less unsettling to our sensibilities through our own reasoning, that’s when we are in danger of straying out from under our religious banner head altogether. 

Rob Bell seems to be heading down that path, his vast readership in tow.  Justin Taylor and Kevin DeYoung deal with this issue here and here.  The problem with Christianity is that with all its many variants, it isn’t meant to be a Religion in the sense of lists of dos and don’ts and ceremony and trappings.  It’s just the gospel, and if it’s true, how that impacts your way of living.  Parts of it are uncomfortable.  The application part, in particular, can cause division.  But it’s when our interpretations become more and more loosely tied to the gospel itself that we’re in danger of heresy.

  

The Bible is less like Disney’s fairytale animated films and more like the Brothers Grimm with warts and blood and dark parts.  It’s about sin and consequence, and love and intervention, and salvation and death.  But a lot of people want the Disney version.  It’s prettier, it feels better, it fits our lifestyles as they already are.  So Christians are tempted to de-emphasize the wart-ier parts in the spirit of inclusiveness.  Let’s preach more on love and less on the wages of sin, more on atonement and less on its limitations.  You see it in the Emergent church trend.   This may or may not have been Bell’s original motivation in abandoning, say, much of Romans.  It is often the motivation for watering down our message: fear of turning people off.  The gospel is offensive; it’s best to just accept that.  God doesn’t need our protection, doesn’t need us to gloss over His culturally unacceptable side.  If we win a few church attendees this way, we lose even more souls as they devote themselves to a gospel that is no gospel at all. 

For more on heaven and hell and those hard-to-swallow doctrines, try this short treatment by Andy Stanley: How Good is Good Enough, or this even shorter book excerpt by Kevin DeYoung.   

Best Books for Budding Athletes

All parents have priorities.  An organized playroom.  Regular naps.  Obedience (with or without whining).  And in our family, Early-Onset Sports Fanaticism.

Proudly, we report that all of my parents' grandchildren can identify Eagles and Phillies' paraphernalia before the age of 18 months.  In her crib, beneath the circling green-jerseyed birds of prey on her mobile, Songbird would spell out the Eagles fight song chant to the best of her phonetic capabilities: “Fly, Eagles, fly on da road to Viccar-ee. A-B-C-D-13-9- EAGLES!”

But it is Tet’s son, Baby Bettis, who does us all proud with his extensive knowledge of football terms and hand signals.  Not quite two, he can demonstrate passing, catching and tackling (he practices on babies in the church nursery), but also kickoff, blocking, and facemask penalty.

Don’t feel defeated if your child doesn’t know a soccer ball from a hockey puck.  Here, the ultimate source of early sports training for your indoctrinating pleasure:

Touchdown, Home Run, Goal, and Slam Dunk, not to mention Sports A-Z by David Diehl.  Fun illustrations (often inspired by recognizable athletes of note) depict the most important sports terms and concepts your toddler needs to know if he is not to embarrass himself during PTI.  

To round out your baby’s education, try NFL brand’s 1-2-3, which teaches the numbers 1-10 in terms of receivers, famous stadiums, and the Vince Lombardi Trophy. 

You too can achieve parenting greatness like Tet!