Girly Sins, Part 3 of 4

Friend or Flirt?

In International Relations, we do lots of cost-benefit calculations.  Political Scientists like to call it a cost-benefit “calculus,” which usage has always baffled me.  But let’s do one now, whatever we call it.

Why do women flirt?  I think the two great rewards of flirting are the self-esteem boost we derive and the influence we exert thereby.

What is the effect?  Well first, we objectify ourselves and our gender.  If the same ladies fighting for equal pay and such use sex appeal to manipulate men or aid their careers, they undermine that cause fatally.

Second, we lead men to sin.  I don’t suggest we all wear burkas or avert our eyes.  But if I were on a diet and Cookie baked brownies and then sat next to me eating them, I would think it pretty insensitive.  If we love our brothers, we should know their struggles and try, within reason, not to multiply their temptations.  A man’s sin is on his own head, but Jesus counts as sin, too, the witting temptation of a fellow believer (Mark 9:42) . 

Lastly, it complicates relationships.  My husband, when we were still dating, constantly derided what he considered my naive views on male/female psychology.  As a people pleaser who loves to make new friends, I thought all the world was equally, innocently, delighted to meet me.  He cynically believed that no men could be trusted and that any friendliness would be construed as more.  I am still not convinced, as he is, that ALL men are predators!  And I could plausibly argue that I treat all new acquaintances with the same exuberance, irrespective of sex.  But he’s right in pointing out that the genders do not think alike, and certainly interpret signals differently. 

Which is why many women who claim not to be flirting (“I’m just friendly!”) are almost definitely being perceived as coy.  In this kind of communication, the perception is as important as the intent.  And usually those women do know it.  If you knowingly do something that will be perceived as flirting, regardless of intent, what does that say about you?

I am pretty sure (and I know there will be vehement disagreement on this) that no male-female friendship is 100% platonic…and therefore all male-female friendships should be treated very, very cautiously.  Deep down, we gals probably know this.  We just like the power we can wield or the ego boost we can glean too much to give up our game.  But it’s not a game, and those are unholy goals.  So let’s not toy with people, or feign ignorance about the implications of our interactions.