Grammar Gripes: Numero Dos

What ever shall we do with me?  This one is the doozy of our age, not because the others aren’t just as rampant, but because I think it poses the greatest danger to the integrity of English.  And the fact is, it’s not all that difficult.

Here’s what happens.  We don’t drill grammar in U.S. schools, so we emerge unsure about the basic roles of, say, I and me.  But since, as kids, we were all chastised for misusing me, we err on the side of the smarter-sounding I.  This is the psychology behind the problem.  But if we use I incorrectly, we don’t really sound any smarter, so the gamble doesn’t pay off.

Instead, it can just be really annoying.  Examples:

Annoying: Want to come to the store with Jim and I?

Correct: Want to come with Jim and me?

Annoying:  The kids don’t listen to Mike and I.

Correct:  The kids don’t listen to Mike and me.

Annoying: This is an article by Ms. Sommers and I.

Correct: This is an article by me. (Ms. Sommers won’t collaborate with grammar dunces.)

Also annoying, I’ve watched three different shows and movies in the last few weeks in which characters (educated ones, like lawyers) use I as an object pronoun.  This galls me, because it implies that among all the people on a big Disney movie set, not one picked up on this really basic error.  It should have been writers and editors, but really?  Nobody?

But let’s not panic.  We can fix it!  My first plan was just to point it out publicly, but I hear that’s rude, so instead, here’s the grade-school trick that still works, every time.

Subject/Object error usually arises when there are multiple objects.  So take out the other person.

For instance: The dog relies on Jack and _________.

Now take out Jack and see what sounds better.

The dog relies on I?  Sounds silly.  The dog relies on me, of course.  And, therefore, when Jack helps out, the dog relies on Jack and me.

Simple, yes?  Even if you are stuck in an I-overuse rut, you actually do know your objects from subjects, so long as you take out the confusing third party.  Subjects, like I, do the action.  Objects, like me, receive the action or follow prepositions like with and to.

Now go on.  Kick Jack out of the equation.  You can do it.

Sleeping Dogs

One of the little grammar hang ups that had me, well, hung up for years was the whole "lay, lie" situation.  Which didn't bother me, even when writing for newspapers, because there was always a handy reference guide and an editor to make the save.

Then I had kids.  And heard myself yelling, night after night, "LAY DOWN!" 

Which is incorrect.

Now, I've noticed that my kids say things like "yeah" and "like" a lot.  They say what I say, and it's less than ideal and we're working on it.  But a lot worse [read: harder to root out] than yeah and like are clear grammar errors that will plague them forever and make them look dumb to people who know. 

Since this is a common one (when we studied both verbs in CC last year, a lot of moms were confused) I'm going to lay it out for you, as the first of a few grammar blogs.  I hope someone takes it to heart because fixing things in ourselves (not just grammar, but attitudes and behaviors too!) is the best way to instill good habits in our kids.

Ok. The reason I was wrong when I yelled "lay down" is because to lay means to put.  It was like yelling "drop it!" when I meant to yell just, "DROP!"

To lay is to put.  To lie, on the other hand, means to recline.  Put differently, you lay other things; you yourself lie.

All the drama comes from the past tense, because, in a cruel twist, the past tense of to lie is....lay.

So, today I will lie on the couch just as yesterday, I lay on the couch.

But I will lay my plate of cheesecake beside me, just where I laid it yesterday.

And at the end of the day, as I lie by the cheesecake that I've laid on the couch, I probably will have to yell, "LIE DOWN!"

Praying Down a Bunny Trail

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances…” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18  

I’m reminded again of Paul Miller’s suggestion that prayer gives us front row seats to the redemptive action on the floor.  I’m in need of reminding because I regularly revert back to this movie-culture mindset.  I’ll try to articulate the heresy of my semi-conscious for you.

So I’ll start praying for some specific situation.  But I’ll try to pray in such a way that I’m not fixating on one result.  I’ll say all the “not my will but Thine” things that a prayer might require to be taken seriously.  I’ll try to foresee all the things that a resounding “No” could eventually bring about, like running out of gas and missing kickoff but then running into an old friend at the gas station, thus justifying God’s choice to me.  I’ll get frustrated with the Psalms because they are so life-and-death and they feel a little dramatic for my purposes, or maybe they just trivialize my interests.

And after all this, I’ll have a transcendent moment where I feel like I’ve really embraced God’s sovereignty over said situation.  And here’s the movie-culture part.  As soon as I feel this, there’s an unconscious intake of breath and a pause. 

Because in a movie, all the angst is just about learning the lesson.  So at the moment of lesson-learning, the problems are miraculously resolved.  So I pause.  Unconsciously, I think I said.

As if my feeling really open to anything should mean that an answer is imminent.

And then I catch hold of my rambling thoughts and feel stupid.  But the good part is that, in feeling consciously idiotic, I can again rejoice in the truth that the whole prayer process is what makes a relationship.  So the longer I’m kept hanging on one question, the more we’ll have to chat.  And when we chat more, all kinds of things much bigger than that question might happen.

“We have to pray with our eyes on God, not on the difficulties.” ~ Oswald Chambers